


In Another Life, Perhaps

by LadyHelheim



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Attempt at a Slow Burn, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Masturbation, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phone Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-11-26 15:41:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18182516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyHelheim/pseuds/LadyHelheim
Summary: Morgana has been best friends with Asra, basically since she can remember. Now she attends the university that he teaches at and he needs her help to illustrate a new medical journal that he is writing. Morgana is more than happy to help her friend, but he insists that we will be paying her, but she refuses the payment until she gives him the work for his book. In the end, Asra points her in the direct of another professor, someone teaching about similar subject, to help inspire her to create the images. How will Doctor Devorak handle the invasion to his class? How will Morgana fair in the world of professionals, when she is just learning her trade?





	1. Just a suggestion

**Author's Note:**

> Modern day BS.

Morgana sighed, her sketchbook was starting to become too full and she knew that she was going _have_ to spend money on another one, even if that meant not eating. She mulled other the thoughts in her mind, going to university was expensive, and the second year wasn’t any better. She had put off going to school for a few years because of this, she had to work in order to save enough money to attend. Even with financial aid it was difficult. She normally took to forums to draw or write something smutty for people online, at least she was starting to make extra cash. She sighed and checked her phone. Asra had actually texted her back.

-Heyy, sorry. I was in the middle of a lecture when you texted.

Whats up?-

-Hey, no worries prof ;p. Lol. I was just wondering

if you’d be up to driving me to the store, my sketchbook

Is almost full.

\- Oh, yeah, sure! I’ll be there in ten

I haven’t eaten yet, so we can grab some food.

-Broke… AF after this, I can wait until you’re done

Eating.

-My treat.

-Asra….

\- No seriously, I know you don’t want to be paid

until after you finish the illustrations for the book,

but I’m not letting a good friend starve.

-I’m not starving, I can make myself a sandwich.

-too late, in the car.

-fuck you dude.

-luv you too girly.

 

Morgana sighed and went to check on her makeup in the mirror. It was unnaturally warm the last few days and she had to make sure her make up wasn’t running, at least in a way she didn’t draw on. She tugged on the fish nets that she was sporting and decided that she didn’t give a shit what Asra was going to say. He wasn’t her prof anyway. And she knew him before he got the position at the university, so people could eat her if they wanted to complain. Morgana went to the other side of her bachelor apartment to grab her purse and headed downstairs to wait for Asra. Morgana waited inside for Asra’s car, not wanting to go outside just yet. The air was still humid and she didn’t want to be too hot. She didn’t have to wait long, Asra knew when to hurry his ass up. She walked over to the car and he rolled his window down, the soft music lazily drifting out. She smiled at the sight of his white hair and bright button up shirt. “Really? We talked about this.”

“Asra, you wear enough colour for both of us.” She said opening the door.

“Well, one of us has to.”

“Hey, I wear colour, sometimes.”

“Yes, red or purple.”

“I still have that nice blue top you bought me.”

“Morgana, you decided to wear a corset last time your wore that shirt.”

“And it was gorgeous, _you_ have great taste.” She said playing with his colourfully loud scarf, “And I’m glad that your superior gave up when it came to your scarves.”

“Too many students complained that I wasn’t dressing like myself, she met me halfway.”

“Well, it's still nice. Can’t let people control you like that Asra.”

“You’re right about _that_.” She smiled at him as he drove. He was such a great friend, full of wisdom, that he often had to give to her. “So, where did you want to go to get your new book?”

“Well, I was thinking about going to the small art shop again.”

“Aren’t they a little expensive?”

“Yes and no. They keep a lot of expensive stuff, but they order cheaper things for the students at the university. Also, this book I have I got at the department store, to save money. Can’t hold shit.”

“Well, that sucks.”

“At least I’ll know that if I spend this little extra money, that it’ll hold the ink for the drawings you need.”

“Oh, well, if its for my little side project, I’ll get it for you.” Asra perked up.

“No, you’ve offered food, and I will accept _nothing_ more.”

“Okay.” He said, brows raised. She knew that there was no arguing with him. He was going to buy it. No matter what she said.

Asra walked behind her in the small store, asking her a few things every now and then, she should him the inks that she bought and told him some of the things she could do with it. He was beaming while listening to her, she slyly grabbed a book on the shelf, turning to read the number of pages in it and how heavy the paper was. She was lucky, first try. “Oh, hold on, I have to look for some pen nibs.” She ducked behind him and to the store keep. Morgana managed to get her debit card out before Asra realized what she just did.

“You sneaky little snake!” He laughed at her, “I said I’d pay.”

“And I told you no.” She stuck her tongue out, they left the store.

“I’m just trying to help you out.”

“I know Asra, but this is _my_ responsibility. Its part of _my_ job and I should have listened to my gut before I bought the other book. But, it at least let me make a few mistakes with your illustrations and I figured out how to fix them.”

“Well, at least it wasn’t for nothing then.”

“Exactly.”

“So, I _have_ been thinking.”

“Thats, _literally_ your job.” He tsked her.

“No I mean it, you’re going the drawings for the book. There is another class, after your drawing class, that you might be interested in dropping in on. I can talk to the professor and let him know you’ll be dropping in. He likes to use the images from the old textbooks in his lessons. I think you might find them, inspiring.”

“I’ll give it a go.”

“Awesome, I’ll email him and let him know tomorrow. When do you think you’ll drop by?”

“Well, I don’t have anything planned to do tomorrow, so I could go after tomorrow’s class.”

“Sweet, I’ll text you the correct spelling of his name, I keep messing it up, and the room number. I’ll hang around, I have some papers to grade, so swing by my office and I’ll drive you home.”

“Oh my god, Asra. You live on the other side of town.”

“Awe, but any excuse to see my wittle swister, it good enough.” 

“Staup.” She laughed at her friend. 

“Naw, wittle, bitty, sisteristy.”

“You fucking suck dude.”

“Awe, you know I’m messing with you.”

“I know, but it was a good cover with your boss.”

“Yeah, well, it helps that you’re hair is naturally white.” Morgana took a lock of her hair that she hadn’t dyed black. “I just don’t get how or why you want it black.”

“I like black, there is nothing wrong with black.”

“Not saying there is, but it is expensive.”

“Yeah, I saved up for some extra dye, but I might give it up. Maybe switch to something like a washout. But I’ll need to save some money to get it bleached out.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“I’ll be expensive upfront, but technically cheaper in the long run”

“Well, if it any consolation, the half and half is a good look for you. You’re sweet, but also a complete bitch.”

“Awe, you’re so good at compliments!”

“See, sweet, then bitch mode.” He laughed as he pulled into a restaurant parking lot.

“You’re really going to try sushi?”

“I mean, I guess. That professor I told you about, brought some in the other day. I gave it a go, kinda liked it. So, I’m going to try it out again.”

“And, if you don’t like it?”

“Well, we can order a pizza, go back to your apartment, and watch a movie.”

“At least you have a back up plan.”

 

After a short dinner, which Asra surprisingly enjoyed, he drove her home. She was thankful to spend the rest of the evening to herself, maybe even start some of the sketches she needed to start for him. She flipped through the other book and started to sketch out the prep lines, only drawing in the darker lines for guides. In her experiments she realized that the ink was a little unforgiving when dealing with lighter washes, it demanded to be used at it’s full potential, but she figured that if she didn’t draw the lines for the lighter areas that she wouldn’t need to pre damage the paper when she erased them. She would, however, have to draw everything out in the old book first, before moving on to the better paper and inking the images. Her phone went off and almost startled her.

-boo, so his name is Doctor Devorak. Room 213

and his class starts at 7, so you’ll have about 30

minutes before you have to head over.

-sounds good, I’ll text you tomorrow, going to bed now.

\- don’t lie, I see your timestamps on artsoul

-shut up

-you know, your pants might end up on fire

-you suck! Night!!!

\- for real?

-yas!! I promise.

-night :)

-Oh, Faust says night too

\- adorable. Tell your nope rope she is pretty!

-she says thankssssssssss

\- this…. This is why I will one day murder you.

-LUV YOU

\- GOOD NIGHT


	2. Something revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Devorak really puts his foot in his mouth

Morgana sat in the back of the smaller lecture hall, it seemed to have sat only 50 or so people. She didn’t want to take up too much space, so she left most of her things in Asra’s office and just sat at the back with her sketchbook, cellphone, and pencils. The students filed in and didn’t seem to pay her any mind, most of them sat at the front, _he can’t be that_ interesting _, can he?_ Morgana thought to herself. There was about 30 people in the lecture hall, all talking, showing each other photos on their phone. Then, Lucio. “Fuck.” She grumbled to herself. A few girls stopped talking in the front, waving to him, but then his eyes met hers. “Great.” She rolled her eyes. She hated, no, loathed Lucio. He almost killed her best friend while driving drunk. He wouldn’t just let her drive. It took her almost 6 months to recover from her injuries, he, got away with a missing limb.

“Fancy seeing _you_ here.”

“Fuck off.”

“Oh, come on.” He cooed, sitting beside her. Lucio was such a prick, felt that he was entitled to everything, just because his parents gave him everything. His car, the prosthetic (which was state of the line, boarding on cybernetic), and worst of all, they were giving him a free ride. Lucio’s father wanted him to become a doctor, just him. Lucio, didn’t give a fuck.

 

* * *

 

You didn’t tell me that Lucio was in this class-

-Shit, I didn’t know, sorry!

 

* * *

 

“Don’t speak to me. You fucking inbred goat fucker.”

“Oh come on, remember when-”

“Lucio, if you say, one more fucking word to me, I will rip off your other fucking arm.” She threatened him quietly, breaking one of her pencils in her hand.

“Alright class.” A voice sounded from the front, pulling Morgana’s attention down to him. _This must be Dr. Devorak_ , she mused. He seemed to be around Asra’s age, but with dashing red locks that fluttered around his head, some hiding parts of his face. His face was sharp, like a blade, and his voice demanded attention. Morgana did her best to ignore the asshole beside her, who, was trying to take her sketchbook. She got up and moved over a seat and glared at him. Lucio, then took out his laptop. She admired the way that he walked around his lecture area, even with the lights so low she couldn’t help but be pulled to him. He seemed, uncharacteristically, charismatic and amusingly dramatic. He was telling his students stories of when he worked in his own clinic overseas and when he worked in the local ER. The girls in the front seemed to fawn over him whenever he would walk by. She now understood why everyone chose to sit so close to the lecture area. Morgana’s eyes were finally drawn up to the presentation slides, beautiful illustrations, some of Vesalius’s work, some Da Vinci, and a few medieval medical plants graced the screen as he spoke. Some others seemed to be more spiritual looking, than actually accurate like those of Da Vinci or Vesalius. But that seemed to make them even so much more interesting. Morgana started to jot down some ideas, some of the names that the doctor mentioned, noting that she needed to look up these things up later. She was going to have to revisit some of her failed experiments and come back at them to make them look a little more, vintage. And brighter colours. It was clear that Asra was going for an aesthetic, but still wanted them to be accurate.

The 3 hour class almost seem to woosh by her, so many notes and a few sketches littler a few pages of the cheap sketchbook. She glanced over at Lucio, who was texting and not paying attention. The dim house lights came back on in full force. “Alright, that is it for today, so remember that Friday will be cut short, I have prior engagements, but that I will also be handing out your medical history assignment and you can choose any of the topics discussed today. If we’re quick we can all get out of here by 8.” He smirked. Morgana reached for her phone again, Lucio’s hand grabbed her wrist. She yanked her arm from him.

“Fuck off.”

“I just want-”

“No, no now, not ever. You almost killed Nadia because of your recklessness, keep your shit to yourself.” He looked pissed but then Dr. Devorak was waiting for them to leave.

“This isn’t over.”

“Fuck you, yea it is.” She told him, loud enough that he’d hear as he started to walk down the small staircase, “Fucking prick.” She said shaking out her jitters.

 

* * *

 

Done.-

-Kk, I'll head down

 

* * *

 

Morgana then sighed and started to walk down the stair, the doctor eyeing her the entire time. His gaze was uncomfortably intense. “Evening.” He said, dryly.

“Evening. That was, probably one of the most interesting lectures I’ve even seen Dr. Devorak. Very, intriguing.”

“Thank you, your compliment is appreciated, your presence, however, is not.” Morgana was stunned at his tone.

“I.” She paused, Asra was supposed to email him and let him know she’d be there, did he forget?

“No, you are not on my roster, and you think that you can just sit in on any lecture you’d like? Distracting one of my students the entire lecture? Then cause a fuss as we’re leaving.”

“Um, slow down. As-” He cut her off again.

“All you art students are the same.” He pointed down at her book, “Coming and going when you please, breaking into lectures and generally wasting the time of other students. Your parents are just wasting their money on you.”

“Doctor Devorak!” She heard Asra’s voice, her throat trembling in pain and angst.

“What?” He responded to him sharply.

“Thank you for your time Dr. Devorak, have a nice evening.” She managed to choke out. She turned to leave and while she passed Asra she grabbed her bag from him, as tears began to run down her cheeks. Morgana was horrified at the man’s words, that her aspirations were a waste of time. Memories hit her like a brick wall, choking her as she remember the fire that stole her family from her. She collapsed by the exit near Asra’s office.

“What the hell Julian?” Asra exclaimed, fighting between running after Morgana and setting his friend straight. “That was the artist that is illustrating the book.”

“Well-” Asra held his hand up to silence him, it always worked.

“And her parents are dead you.” He paused, “Asshole.” Asra turned and left before Julian could say anything else, he just left him here with his thoughts. As he neared his office he could hear the muffled, painful, sobs Morgana was trying her best to swallow. “Morgana.” She looked up at him, her green eyes filled with pain and loss, her black makeup everywhere on her delicate, angelic like face. “I’m so sorry.” She shook her head as he stood her up. She just fell into him, he knew how far she had come in her journey back from trauma.

“I can. I can hear them Asra.”

“Shh.” He cooed, “Its just us, its now, listen to my voice, focus on your breathing.” It was ragged and threatened to become hyperventilation. “In.” He took a deep breath with her. “Out.” The blew out a long breath together. Asra repeated this a few times, until the only thing that remained was a little shakiness and her destroyed makeup. “Crows and cups, you are an ugly crier.”

“Fuck you.” She playfully punched him in the arm.

“There's my girl.” He hugged her lightly, full knowing that she could slip back into the panic. Asra was the first one at the hospital when they brought her in. She was covered in burns and kept asking about her parents and younger sister. Her night terrors, though, were some of the worst he ever saw. Its what pushed him back into studying medicine. It had been 7 years since the incident that left her famililess, but at times, it felt like it was yesterday. “I’m going to get you home, but we’re not staying. You’re going to go in, drop your things, get your overnight bag, and you’re coming to my house.” He said softly, but sternly. She nodded, knowing there was no use in fighting, she now needed to be watched. Asra wanted to crush her in a hug, knowing what she did to herself a few years back.

Julian sat down at the computer in his office, papers everywhere. He logged in again and realized that he, indeed, did not read all of his emails. He saw Asra’s email from lunch, he just hadn’t had the time to sit down after he ate to read anything. He cursed and sighed into his hand. He knew he fucked up this time.

 

* * *

 

Asra, I just saw the email now, I’m sorry.-

* * *

 

Julian waited a few minutes for him to text him back, but there was nothing. He was either driving, or ignoring him. He grumbled at his own asshatery and packed his things for the evening. At least he only had 2 courses the next day and then just the evening class on Friday, which was going to end early so he could take his sister to the bar. Julian was not comforted by the thought though, he felt awful for what he said to Asra’s friend. Julian grabbed his bag and headed out for the evening, turning off the lights and closing the door softly. He go to his car and started his venture home immediately, _today has been too long_ . He hadn’t slept in days since Portia’s prognosis, and waiting for the biopsy to come back was driving him crazy. _If there is a God_ , he thought, _he better let her go. Unscathed_.

Julian sat on the couch in his dimly lit home, Portia was at her girlfriend’s house and he didn’t expect her to come home at all, as often was the case. He turned on the tv to down out the silence as he sipped his drink.

 

* * *

 

-Sorry, doesn’t cut it Julian, I’m in crisis mode now

What?-

-Her parents died, in a fire, 7 years ago

I’m so sorry Asra. Could you please tell her?-

 

Julian’s chest sank, the damage he had done. The damage he always does. He knows its better for him to just shut his mouth, but he had enough of Lucio’s bullshit and assumed that _he_ brought her in.

 

-I can’t. Not yet

-Remind me

Okay.-

-And I’m sorry for not just emailing you earlier

-Or just coming to see you. This is partially my fault

I shouldn’t have assumed Lucio brought her-

-Julian.

-This is NOT all your fault. Its mine as well

-I will tell her in a few days.

Why a few days?-

-She had an episode, a few years back tried to take her life.

-So I HAVE to wait. Keep your distance for the next few days

-I’ll tell you when you when its passed over.

Asra. I’m so sorry-

-I know. I know. Let it be, get some sleep

-I’ll see you tomorrow :)

* * *

 

Julian sat back in his couch, taking a large gulp of the hard liquor in his glass, pouring more in it. He was a wreck, he said something he shouldn’t have. How would he sleep, knowing what he did?

* * *

 

-P.s I’m not mad, just a little upset. Morgana will recover quickly.

-I promise.

 


	3. Common Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe first impressions aren't the ones that we should focus on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: I do suffer from mental health issues, and a few of my episodes have ended as abruptly as they started. It didn't mean I was 100% in the clear, but it meant I was better than other episodes :). Build a good support system, its nice to know you some people to fall back on :). Reach out when you need to :)
> 
> I'll cut the crap now.

Morgana was exhausted from a frightful sleep, it was nice that Asra held her during her night terrors, he had done it so many times before. Asra had studied folk medicine, but held a minor in psychology. He could read her like a book, and she knew better than to hide things from him. She knew that, if she didn't want to talk about something, to tell him just that. But this time felt a little different. The night terrors kept her awake, but they didn't seem as violent as the last set. Asra looked rested. A bit annoyed at his workstation, but rested. “Alright. I know this is boring for you, but you can't leave this office.”

“Unless I go to the bathroom and I write a postie note. I know.” She smiled weakly. “I will.” Asra let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank you Morgana.”

“No, Thank you. Again.” She yawned.

“Anything for you.” Asra he smiled sweetly and left the office to go deal with a course he taught. It wasn't a long one, but he needed to do some extra preparation that morning, so he made her come to school early. She looked at the clock, 11 am. None of her courses started until 3, but she probably wasn't going to them today. Morgana sighed and sank into the loveseat Asra had in his office. She had visited him a few times, some of the other students would come in here and work, his office was large enough to fit a small group. And it was quiet. Like a small slice of paradise in the busy lives of university students. Even with Asra’s office door wide open, you could barely hear the bustle of people she knew were down the hall. She smiled and started to rip out the pages she had previous worked on. She didn’t want to have to keep flipping back and forth between them. She placed her laptop on the table in front of her and loaded some of the images and artists that Dr. Devorak had mentioned the evening before. Her heart sank for a moment, _it's not like he knew, it’s not like it was his intention_ . Yeah, he meant to piss her off, but he was trying to scare her into never coming back to his lectures, so that the space could be used for _his_ students, which, he was right to point out. Maybe not in such a callus way, but some of the other art students did take to taking up spaces that were not meant for them.

 

Morgana sat comfortably for almost an hour and a half, writing down plans and creating working sketches with little notes littered all over them. Change this, that should be a dull red, this needs to be more accurate, this should be smudged, things to remind her of what the images would need to look like in the end. There was then a strange dinging. She checked her phone, but she knew it wasn’t hers, her phone sounded like a raven. At least when someone texted her. This though, was a low ring of meditation bells. Something subtle. _Fuck_. She rolled her eyes. Who ever was texting Asra, had done so a few time now, so she decided she would just text them letting them know he was away from his office and left his phone. Morgana typed in his pin and opened his phone, to find a name she didn't expect. Julian (the hot one) Devorak. Mixed emotions flooded her as she wanted to be upset, but she also wanted to laugh at Asra’s description. She breathed deeply and braced herself.

* * *

 

-Hey, want me to grab you a tea?

-Again, sorry about last night.

-And sorry for the drunk texts, you’re right, very dramatic.

-is she okay?

 

Morgana looked through the previous texts, she was pretty pissed that Asra told him about her suicide attempt, but she knew he did things for particular reasons. Normally reasons that would benefit her in the end. But she felt touched that this asshole would be concerned and wanted to apologize. And his drunk texts were great, _“I’m so sorry Asra, I’m a complete idiot. I should just leave, or get my mouth sewn shut.”_ The last one though, _“I’m such an asshole.”_ Asra send him a few that morning telling him he needs to stop drinking so much and that he wasn’t an entire asshole, he just had his moments like everyone else.

 

-Hey, Asra left his phone in his office, I’m sure he’d love a tea.

\- Also, I’m fine. Thank you for asking :)

 

-Oh, alright, and who is this?

-Oh.

-Are you sure? Do you want anything from the cafe?

 

-I’m tired, but yeah I’m okay. And sure, peppermint hot chocolate

-medium

\- if they don’t have that anymore, don’t worry bout it :)

* * *

 

The typing bubbles showed up a few times and disappeared, she smiled as this man was probably fumbling through his thoughts at her acceptance. But, she wasn’t one to hold what happened between them against anyone. No one really knew her here, save for a few, very close, friends.

 

-kk

* * *

 

That was it, all that trouble for 2 letters, she let out a soft chuckle and sat down at the couch.

 

-Asra will be in his class, I’m hanging in his office.

 

-ok, I’ll be ten minutes?

 

* * *

 

Morgana sat back in the couch with Asra’s phone close to her, just in case the ineloquent doctor dinged him again. Morgana returned to her duties, she decided to email her professors and let them know that she had a panic episode the evening before and would not be returning to class for the afternoon, so that she could ensure another would not occur. She had made it clear that she suffered from a mental illness when she started her educational career, she had a few panic attacks over the first year, and her professors were more than accommodating. She would just need to update them with her project plans, or assignments and let them know if she would be able to hand them in on time or if she needed an extension. She only needed an extension once, and it was two days. Morgana didn’t realize how much time had passed until there was a knock at the open door. Morgana raised her eyes from the sketchbook on her lap. “Hey.” She said, the doctor wearing the same bitterly tired look as she did. “Wow, you look how I feel.” She smiled weakly.

“Yeah.” Dr. Devorak, _Julian, the hot one_ , dragged out word out. He walked into the office, like a mouse watching out for a cat. She realized that she was the cat. Morgana moved off the couch to meet him halfway, the awkward tension raising. “Um, they had the peppermint hot chocolate.”

“Nice. Thanks.” She took it and realized that he only had two drinks. He had already seen Asra, sneaky snake she almost smiled. “I’m assuming you needed to see for yourself?” She said taking a step back, turning around. Her hair was in a messy bun, her black sweatpants had a giant ank and she was in a red wife beater with a ripped and over-sized band shirt hanging off of her shoulders. No make up. She definitely did not look like a gothic princess, she knew that she looked like a hungover hot mess. But she was comfy as hell. And she didn’t give a fuck.

“I just- I’m sorry- I couldn’t”

“Yeah, stop.” She interrupted him, “I get it, you didn’t _mean_ to put me in a panic, shit happens.” She shrugged, she really couldn’t hold it against him, not when it was clear he felt so shitty about what happened. “You can’t possibly know what some peoples triggers are. And to be perfectly frank with you, I’m sure that if I hadn’t been so stressed out, and didn’t see _Lucio_ , that I wouldn’t have had the reaction I did. I guess you could say it was the _perfect storm_. As Asra told you, this is not entirely your fault.”

“But I should have never crossed that line.”

“Some lines have to be crossed. If it makes you feel any better, my panic attack and night terrors were not nearly as bad as they were last year. Actually, I should thank you. I realized that I’m moving forward, _finally_.” She smiled, the tiredness hung in her face. Julian breathed out a ragged breathe, the tension that was holding him up faded as he slumped into a chair in the office. He seemed to clutch his coffee as though it were a life line, her heart twisted for him. He seemed to be a complete mess, at least, on the inside. His vivacious red curls brought life to his tired, dark eyes. His professional attire would have you fool, in an instance. Morgana sat down with the man that was clearly still beating himself up about their first interaction. “Listen, don’t think too much on it. As I can clearly tell you are. I have a great group that keeps me together when this shit happens. We have plans, backup plans, and backup plans for the back up plans. We’ve been doing this, for a long time.” She took a sip of her drink, “You’re not the first person to set off my panic attacks, and I am dead sure you won't be the last.” She warned. “Also, I’m sure I would have reacted the same way in your shoes if I saw some gothic hoe with Lucio causing a ruckus.” She winked. Julian curled a soft smile.

“He _is_ an asshole.”

“Fuck, you have _no_ idea.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Come at me, I’ve known him for ten years. Dude almost killed a good friend of mine.”

“I almost lost my medical licence because of him.” Morgana’s eyes went wide.

“You win, I’m intrigued.”

“You know what happened with his arm?”

“Oh yea, fucker almost killed my best friend when he drove that night.”

“I’m the one that removed it.”

“Yes! I have always wanted to fucking high five the doc that did that.” She raised her hand, Julian looked conflicted and raise his hand. She didn’t care if he wasn’t as excited as she was, she high-fived him hard, the slap almost echoing in the room. “Fuck, consider everything forgiven. Shit. Man. He was so pissed when he woke up. I remember him cussing down the hallway and then security having to restrain him when the nurses drugged him.”

“Well, it wasn’t as joyous from my view. They tried to make the argument that I wasn’t in my right mind and that I _could_ have and _should_ have saved his arm.” He sipped his coffee, “They tried to bring in their own specialist, but all the doctors on the board signed off on what I did in the end. They looked at all of the xrays and all of my documentation and came to the same conclusion I did. They argued they could have paid anything to save it, but it was made very clear that there was no way to save an arm _that_ shattered.” He paused. “I really shouldn’t be telling you this.” Morgana waved her hands.

“Then don’t, doctor/patient confidentiality. My lips are sealed and I have no idea what you’re rattling on about.” She smiled. The tension that she still had was disappearing, she figured she just needed some ‘good’ news. “But, secretly I am glad to have met my hero.” He almost choked on his drink as she finished her sentence.

“You really hate him that much?”

“I really wished that he would have died on that operating table.” She admitted freely.

“Well, after having him as a student, I really can’t blame you.”

“He is.” She paused, looking for a good enough word. “Reprehensible.” She sighed, “Even that word is too good for him. You know, he once gloated about killing his cousin's cat?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, because she was paying attention to it and no him. Like, how the hell have his parents not put him in an institution?”

“Because he is highly manipulative?”

“True.” That was why Nadia stayed with him for so long, it took almost losing her life for her to walk away. Julian reached across the table to pick up one of her failed attempts for Asra’s project. “Oh, thats a, working? Concept.”

“It looks, amazing.”

“Thanks, I have some other ideas, and concepts.”

“Well, I can’t wait until I see the rest of them.” He said, almost mindlessly.

“Well, I would appreciate some help, if I could pull the guilt card on you.” She saw a sense of pain and shame flash across his face.

“What do you need?” He said meekly.

“One, stop that. And two, could you send me some of the images that you used last night? I honestly can’t find most of them online.” She said gesturing to her laptop. “And its fucking frustrating, and no, I’m not going back to your class. I love Asra, but I hate Lucio more.”

“Um, yeah. Most of those images I scanned in from really old manuscripts, some I wasn’t actually 'allowed' to copy, too old.” He smirked and winked. “But I’d be more than happy to email them to you.” An alarm went off. “Oh, I have to go, course starts soon.” Morgana jumped from her seat and grabbed a post-it-note and wrote down her university email.

“Here, I think we will be leaving after Asra’s course today, and I _know_ Asra won’t give you my contact info.” She handed it over to Julian.

“I’ll see if I can email you tonight then.”

“No rush, I have some other drawings I can focus on first, so I’ll hold off on these until I hear from you.” When Julian stood to leave he seemed to have a little more bounce in his step, like she had lifted the awful veil that surrounded him. Morgana smiled softly as she watched him leave the room, he did seem like a good man, just, a little rough around the edges. _The hot one_ , Morgana caught herself blushing a little, noting that yes, he was easy on the eyes. _Fuck you Asra_ , she thought squinting at no one.


	4. So casual

Asra felt confident enough in himself and Morgana to let her go home, and be alone. He figured since she didn’t have another attack after talking with Julian that the storm had probably passed. Morgana sat on her couch, the images on the tv were not the thing she was paying attention to. She had gotten an email from Julian a few hours ago, so late in the day. She assumed that he forgot about the task she gave him a few days ago, but the hastiness in his email showed that he was sorry. He did say it,  _ twice _ . Morgana sighed and smiled, looking through the images he sent. She finally reopened the email and sent him a quick one back, thanking him and telling him he had nothing to be sorry about, he was a busy man. She thought back to his texts to Asra, and the way that Asra chastised her for using his phone. 

_ “Its not my fault you forgot your phone, but hey, you got a tea out of it.” She smiled playfully.  _

_ “Yeah, but I know  _ you _ , you went through my messages.” _

_ “Not all of them.” She admitted, “Just the ones the night Julian turned on dick mode.” Asra rolled his eyes, “Don’t worry, if there was any sexting, I didn’t see it, like for real.” She watched him. “What?” She laughed at him, “You named him  _ the hot one _. Asra. That  _ isn’t  _ subtle.” _

_ “There are two Julian’s.” _

_ “You could have written red hair, or grey eyes. But no, you, intentionally, wrote hot one. You outed yourself.” _

_ “Fine, fine, fine. You win.” _

_ “I’m not arguing.” She laughed with him, Asra sinking into the couch at his house. _

_ “He can be a little.” _

_ “Over dramatic?” _

_ “Yes.” Asra said, exacerbated, “He just beats himself up, all the time. I mean, he is brilliant.” _

_ “And hot.” Asra pushed her playfully. _

_ “But, he is.” _

_ “Its clear he has shit he needs to deal with, I don’t need a psychology degree to see that. But.” _

_ “But what?” Asra said almost sitting up pin straight. _

_ “Hey, hey now, calm your shit. I was just going to say that he is rather sweet. Our first interaction may not have been great, but I see why you like him.” _

_ “Oh, sweety, he is. Hes hot, but too intense for me.” _

_ “I know Asra, but its clear you’re friends and he is clearly being flirty.” She said as he was reading his phone. _

_ “He always is when he is drunk. At least today he isn’t alone.” Asra sighed, “But, it isn’t as bad as it use to be. He is going to therapy, not as much as his sister and I want him to go, but he's going.” _

_ “That's good. When he came with the drink I saw how wound up he was. I think he was just relieved I didn’t hate him.” _

_ “I told him not to worry about it. But.” Asra was conflicted. _

_ “He’s not use to forgiveness?” _

_ “No, and I want to be upset with you for being so forgiving about the situation, but.” _

_ “Its who I am Asra. I will always forgive people. Except for Lucio. He took it too far.” Asra chuckled. _

_ “Yeah, I get it. He’s an actual monster.” _

 

Morgana got up after a few hours and rummaged through her kitchen, trying to see if there was anything in the apartment that she actually wanted to eat. She didn’t find anything that would fill her, but started to pick at a banana as she walked back to her bed. She was going to have to go out and grab a few things. She decided she wanted to go by herself. All the interactions with Asra left her pining for solitude. She loved Asra, loved his company, but sometimes she just really liked to be by herself. Her thoughts were shattered by the rumble in her stomach. “Fine, fuck.” She told herself as she finished her banana and got her purse. She put on some shit kicking boots over her fishnets and grabbed her keys before leaving. She figured that this was a good way to start her weekend, getting a new start for the week a head of her. Morgana had accepted two, fairly large, payments for some work she finished, so she had enough money for about three weeks worth of groceries. If she played her cards right, maybe even enough money for a bar trip, but, she’d have to run the numbers first. 

The humid breeze grazed her skin lightly, the moisture in the air wasn’t as bad as it had been all week. It was still fairly bad, but she wasn’t immediately sweating as she started to walk towards the bus stop. The woman at the stop was staring at her, she was use to it. She looked over and gave her a sweet, black, smile. The older lady smiled back at her and then minded her own business. Morgana fixed that coffin shaped purse on her person, the chain was starting to dig into the flesh of her neck a little. It was more uncomfortable than normal. She didn’t have to wait long for the bus and offered to help the older woman on the bus. “Oh thank you dear.”

“No problem ma’am. My pleasure.”

“Oh you remind me of my grandson.” Morgana smiled.

“Well, thank you.”

“Your generation needs more people like you.” She said as Morgana helped her to her seat when the bus started to pull of. The older woman waved her off politely when she made sure she was okay, “I’m fine, my grandson will be getting on the bus at the station.” Morgana just nodded and walked to the back of the bus. She took out her headphones and and settled into an empty seat between two men. She turned on her music and let the heavy metal drown out the people around her. Before she knew it she had to get off again. 

Morgana walked around the store, a basket in hand, as she tried to contemplate if she wanted, or rather needed, a bag of chips. Her headphones were abruptly yanks off her head. “What the-” She started, when she turned around Nadia was in front of her. “Hey.” She shouted gleefully, “When the hell did you get back into town?”

“Yesterday.”

“And you didn’t call me?” Nadia blushed.

“Well, I have a confession.”

“Oh?” She and Nadia had been friends since childhood. Nadia stepped in to fill the gap of sister when the tragedy struck her family. They had always been supportive and caring for one another.

“Well, I did what you told me, and I went on a dating app.”

“Did you meet someone?” She hugged her tightly.

“Yes, and we have.” Nadia smiled boldly as she looked down the aisle. There was an adorably gleeful red head. “We’ve been dating for about a month, but I didn’t want to say anything until I thought it would stick.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you.” She hugged her again.

“Hey.” The woman said, closing the distance.

“Portia, this is Morgana, Morgana, Portia.” Nadia introduced them.

“Oh, its so nice to finally meet you, Noddy has been going on and on about you.” Morgana smiled sweetly.

“Well its a pleasure to meet you as well. But I must ask. What are your intentions with my friend?”

“Orgi.” Noddy hit her arm.

“What?” Portia laughed.

“Oh I can tell we are going to be besties.”

“See, I told you.” Noddy said, Portia’s shoulder relaxing.

“Well, its not my fault you painted her as scarier.” Morgana laughed.

“Oh I can be, when it need to be. I might be short, but.” She pointed to her boots. “I’ll kick your ass if need be.”

“We shorties gotta stick together.” She giggled.

“Portia, which one-” Morgana looked up to see Julian coming to a dead stop.

“Oh, hey Julian.” Morgana smiled.

“You know my brother?” Portia raised a brow, Morgana wanted to laugh at how similar they looked now, and wanted to tease herself for not thinking about it sooner.

“He works with a very good friend of mine. In fact, he is helping us out with a project.”

“Oh, what kind of project?” Noddy teased her.

“Dead crows, Noddy. Fucking hell. No.” She laughed, Julian’s face flushing a little at the girls joke. “Its the medical book that Asra wants to publish.”

“Oh. I thought, well. You know, maybe helping you with  _ those  _ drawings.” Noddy said.

“Noddy! That's my brother!” Portia whacked her arm.

“I’m just being certain.” Noddy threw up her arms. Portia finally turned her attention to Julian, who was now awkwardly standing with them, two boxes of cookies in hand.

“We will get both of them.” Portia said, Julian put them in the basket he had on his arm.

“Oh, well, I’ll text you later, we need to make a few of your hangover remedies.” Morgana laughed.

“Oh, well, I figured.” She looked directly at Julian who must have figured out when she meant because he blushed. Noddy kissed her on the cheek and grabbed Portia’s hand. “I’ll see you later ladies.” Julian hung back and grabbed a bag of chips.

“Say hi to Asra for me.”

“You’ll have to tell him yourself.” Morgana smiled, “I probably won’t see him until Tuesday.”

“Oh? Hes not.” Julian seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Yes, storm has passed.” She smiled, “So I’m just enjoying some time to myself.”

“Oh, nice.” Morgana left his side and waved him goodbye before heading to the checkouts. She stood in line for a few minutes before hearing a deep dark voice.

“Whats up, princess?” A smile took hold of her face as she turned around.

“Muriel!” She almost shouted, her body hugging him involuntarily. He tensed under her vice like grip. “How was the trip? Did you get back today? Where did you guys play.”

“Hey, hey, calm down.” He said softly. For a man that looked as scary as him, long dark hair, black liner and covered in spikes, he was a genuine softy. “Yeah, we got back late last night, needed to grab some stuff for the house. Inanna was a good girl.” He took a few dog treats out.

“Isn’t she always?” 

“When she isn’t shedding.” He smiled. Morgana waited for him to finish his transaction and talked to him as they left the store. “So yea, they were some good gigs. We could take a month off if we really wanted to, but I think Marcus wants to go back out in a few weeks.”

“Oh well, you’ll have to send me some pictures.” Muriel wasn’t one for social media, chose to just email or text the people in life, rather than making a public profile. He left that to his manager. 

“Sounds good, I have to go, bus will be coming soon.”

“I can give you a ride home.”

“No, no, I haven’t been, alone, in a little while.”

“Asra emailed me.”

“Yeah, so I’m going to take a page from your book and be a hermit for a few days.”

“Me too, I’m even more peopled out from being here.” Morgana smiled.

“I feel you. Text me if you’re bored, we can chat later.” Muriel waved her off, walking over to his jeep. Morgana walked quickly over to the bus stop to head home, she was exhausted now that she actually thought about it. She really did thing some alone time would be good for her. Although Asra always warns her about prematurely pulling away from people after an episode, she felt like she needed it. Just some music, pizza, and her. 

 

* * *

 

Morgana woke up in a sweaty fit. It wasn’t a night terror though. Her skin had goosebumps and she was panting, fingers still buried in the sheets. She closed her eyes, seeing the flash of red hair between her legs, she shuttered. “Fuck.” She blurted out. It hadn’t even been a week and the dear Doctor Devorak was invading her dreams. She always had shitty taste in partners. But it was hard for her, when she liked the pain. Morgana knew that she had an aesthetic. Tall, pale, sometimes creepy. But like hot creepy. The one that you wouldn’t mind following you home in the cold fall breeze as he stalked you down the street. Boots echoing in the air. She remembered the dream a little more, his sharp features crashing on her skin, his long fingers gracing her body. She inhaled sharply at the thought of it now. Her body was still tense from the dream, like her release was never met. Morgana shrugged to herself, she was alone, and a willing participant. She moved her hand down, tantalizingly slow, until she reached the things that needed her hand the most. She pushed her delicate fingers down her black panties, circling her clit as she bit down on her lip. She pulled back visions of Julian kissing her skin. “Yes.” She breathed out as she plunged two fingers into herself. She imaged Julian’s head between her legs and threw her head back in pure agony. She drove herself deeper into herself as if she could see and feel him on her skin. Morgana imaged his breath on her pelvis as his tongue ran over her. She finally twitching violently and letting out a loud, squeezed moan. 


	5. Things to remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The phone?

Morgana smiled into the drink Asra gave her. Her week was uneventful as she started to finish her projects and other assignments. She had even managed to create a few finished products for Asra, who was now proper drunk. “Who knew you were such a good bartender.” Morgana teased him.

“Oh, don’t tell Muriel, he might scold me.” He laughed. It was clear, at least when he was drunk, that he still had a crush on Muriel. Muriel never seemed to take an interest in Asra, at least romantically. The two made a great pair of friends though. Muriel even wingmanned for him a few times, even though he hated going to the bar. He didn’t like drunk people too much, too handsy, he would say.

“Oh, how, now. He wouldn’t, he would just push you on someone else.” They laughed.

“Oh my, do you remember, what, two months ago?”

“When he introduced you to his new manager?”

“Yesss.” He slurred, “Now.” He pointed at her as she relaxed into the couch, “That was a man I could work with.” He bit his lip.

“I know, I heard.” He swatted her.

“You  _ could  _ have joined.” Morgana almost spat up her drink in a laugh.

“The couch was not big enough for three of us.” 

“No, but he was.” He purred.

“Asra! You’re incorrigible.” She laughed, “You should text him again, they’re back in town.”

“Oh, I know. I have received, some.” He waved his phone, “Very interesting propositions for tomorrow night.”

“Well I do hope that you accepted. Can’t keep a man like  _ that  _ waiting.”

“Oh, I think the photo I sent back was enough.”

“Asra! You have to stop doing that!”

“What its  _ my  _ phone, I’ll do what I want. Maybe it will deter you from looking through it.”

“One, you know it wouldn’t and hasn’t. And two, change your password.” She got up to go fill her glass again. The drink had a punch to it, cinnamon and something sweet. He called it the Morgana. A little spicy, sweety, and will knock you the fuck out if you drink too much.

“Oh, bring that here.”

“Holy shit, no. Asra. I remember last time.” She took a big gulp. “I am not holding your hair  _ again _ .”

“To having fun.” He raised his glass, Morgana raised hers and shot down the rest of the drink. She walked, swaying, back to the couch, laughing with her friend. “Oh man, these are the nights I miss most when work gets overwhelming.”

“I know.” She sighed out, “Would be better if the whole gang was here.”

“Yeah, Noddy was spending the evening with her new girlfriend.”

“Did you get to meet her yet?”

“Oh, yeah, they are adorable together.”

“I know. I just can’t believe that she is Julian’s sister.” Asra had a deep chuckle.

“She is so easy going. And the way that she chastises him when his attitude falters. Hilarious.” 

“I would pay to see that.”

“Oh my, Morgana, dude turns bright red and falls absolutely silent.” He said waving his hand across her view. “Like he just starts to be so agreeable, stops beating himself up. She makes him repeat that she loves him, and that he is loved. That he deserves love. She is so good with him. Picks him right up.”

“That is so sweet!” Morgana smiled, almost giggling. “I’m glad that he has someone that can help hold him up.” Morgana had been emailing him all week, he was asking for updates on her work and sent her some other images he found buried on his hard drive. She tensed at the thought of her last set of dreams as well. Her heart fluttered every time she saw his name pop up in her emails. She felt like an idiot having such a high school girl crush on him. She was a grown ass woman, if she wanted to make a move she could. Couldn’t she? The thought crossed her mind, burning at her, but her brain stopped it, stomping the courage down into her chest. Making it seem more like anxiety, than excitement. Asra stood up, almost falling over.

“Oh shit.” He cussed, catching himself on the wall by the couch.

“Alright mister, its closing time.” She hooked a hand around his waist.

“How the hell can you stand, you drank more than me.” He scolded, taking on the roll of an older brother. She smiled.

“Because I am the tank!” She yelled playfully and started to walk him, both of them staggering, to his bedroom. She laid him down and helped him out of his pants, so that he could sleep more comfortably. “I’ll go grab you water.”

“Please, bitch.” He slurred. She caught herself on the door frame when she came to the opening. She realized that she was worse off than she originally calculated.  _ Water, water then Asra, then guest bed _ . She grabbed two bottles from the fridge and staggered back to the room, Asra had already passed out, laying on his side. She shook her head. His phone started to go off and she grabbed it quickly, not wanting to wake him. She turned the volume off, trying to ignore the name. But she couldn’t. She opened the text from Julian.

 

-hey hot shit

-shot

-I got stuck with these two, bitches, both passed out.

-hope you’re having more fun than me ;)

 

* * *

Morgana imagined that he was talking about his sister and Nadia, passed out drunk.

 

I got stuck with one bitch, and hes also passed out.

 

-What? You said you’re hangin out with Morgana.

Boo bitch

-oh, hey, whats up?

-ignore the, previous shit

Nope.

-fuck

* * *

Morgana added her number to the next text and told him to text her there. Morgana turned his phone on silent and put it back on the dresser. She ruffled his hair, grabbed her water and left the room. She jumped onto the guest bed, bad idea. Her whole world shifted sideways for a moment, the cawing of her phone brought her back to leveled grounds. She quickly turned off her sound, leaving it on vibrate.

 

-Its Julian

-sorry about the texts

-no filter when drnk

Asra is same

Holy shit i cld show you some shit

-Oh he tortures you too?

Bitch he does it to everyone.

Hes suuuuuuuuuuccchh a duckface.

Duck it.

Fuck it.

-lolol

I’ve seen the drunk texts you send him last week

Very spicy

-fuuuuuuck

Hey I like late night drunk Julian

Hes very honest

But uses ;) and ;* too much

You’d think that drunk Julian had other things on his mind.

-you are not fair

-drunk Julian has restraint

Very little, I bet. 

-I am a fuking gentlman

* * *

Morgana had a deep dark thought, one that her drunk mind couldn’t stop her from doing. She took a page from Asra’s playbook, even though she was nowhere near as courageous as him. She took off her shirt and squeezed her breasts in her purple, lacy bra, together, biting her bottom lip as she took a selfie in the dimly lit room. Before her brain could stop her finger she hit sent. Covering her mouth as she realized what she did. Her fuzzy brain was much more bold than she actually was.  _ This drink, is kicking my ass now _ , she thought. She watched as the picture showed it was seen. Julian’s name had the word ‘typing’ beside it. But nothing was sending. A feeling of warm dread filled her with confusion and a hint of guilt, but she was too drunk to give credence to the feeling. She felt free. 

 

-I

-wow

\- I’m jealous. Asra gets to spend time with those?

 

* * *

Morgana bit deeper into her lip, a small purr swam in her throat.

 

oh, no. He hasn’t doe that for, a while.

too handsy on someone else

-how is that even possible?

He got a big man to take care of his needs right now

-oh? And what about you?

Oh, well, thats between me and my hand

-fuck. Morgana. This isn’t fair.

Whats not fair? Flirting?

Or you thinking of me playing with myself

-in his house? Yes, unfair

 

* * *

Morgana moaned softly at his implications, she laid down on the bed, kicking off her skirt and tossed it on the floor, losing all mind to remember to be modest.

 

I’m in another room if that makes you feel better

-mmmm, but no.

What you afraid I might wake him?

-fuck you

If you want ;)

 

* * *

She sent him a photo have her hand on her underwear.

 

-I want to say stop, but my dick is so hard right now.

Really? o.O I thought you

Were a gentleman

-you’re making it very hard

As you told me

 

* * *

She gasped as she pressed a finger to herself on top of her panties. She then raised her hand to her face, dipping a finger into her mouth and taking another photo.

 

Guess the next place that’s going

-Morgana, fuck

-fuck

Yea? What about fuck?

-I want to hear you.

Whats stopping you?

 

* * *

Her phone started to vibrate, he actually called. “Hey.” She purred the word.

“You suck.” He whispered, almost breathless.

“Oh you say that.” She moaned into the phone, “like it’s a bad thing.” She heard him groan as he moved the phone away from him “No, that's not fair.” She said playfully, “I want to hear you.”

“Fuck.” He said, “You’re making it very difficult to be a gentleman.”

“Good, I don’t want a gentleman, I want you to be a bad boy.” She heard him growl.

“I can tell.” She moaned again as she circled her fingers over her panties.

“Fuck I’m really wet.” She almost giggled.

“Really? Why?” He asked, breathing heavily.

“I’ve been.” She hummed, “Dreaming of you lately.”

“Oh, and why was I in the dreams?” She tucked her hand until her underwear, preferring the feeling of flesh over the teasing nature of lace.

“Ah.” She moaned a little loader at the question and her movements.

“Oh god.”

“You were eating me out.” She breathed out.

“Fuck.” He managed to choke out, “You’re playing with yourself aren’t you.”

“Yeah.” She moaned out to him. She imagined him blushing and she pushed her head into the pillow, “You wanna help?” She almost begged him. She could hear him fumbling with his belt. He started to groan, “Better?” She asked him.

“Yes.” He hissed back at her.

“Julian.” She whispered.

“Hmmm.” He said, almost like a question.

“How does it feel?”

“How does what feel?”

“Your cock, in your hands, how does it feel.”

“I, um.”

“You’re trying to help me, aren't you?” He moaned to her again. 

“If feels good, but I would image you’d feel better.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.” He said between breathes, “I can image your under me, moaning as I push into you.” Morgana gasped as she slipped her fingers in herself. “Oh god, do that again.”

“Julian.” She moaned as she dug into herself.

“Oh fuck, what are you doing to yourself that makes you sound so good.”

“I am fingering myself.”

“Yeah?”

“I wish they were yours.”

“Oh fuck, Morgana.” His words were strained.

“Julian, I’m going to cum.” She said moaning into phone, her body tensed. “I’m going to cum while you're jerking off.”

“Cum, I’m jerking off to the thought of my fingers twisting in your cunt.”

“Yes.” Her hips buckled.

“Oh god, the lewd sounds you’re making, I want to drive them out of you.”

“Julian, please.” She squeezed, “Don’t stop.”

“I want to taste you as you cum, shaking on my bed as I devour you.” His voice purred in her ear.

“Yes, I want you to eat me until I tremble. I want you to.” She strained again “Fuck.” She moaned out a little loudly, he heard Julian moan and then his sounds were muffled. She twitched back to reality, listening to him trying to calm his breathing. She bit her lip. “Thanks.” She said, her breathes still rapid.

“You did all the work.” He whined.

“Oh, fuck.”

“What?”

  
“That was so hot”

“Phone sex?”

“No, you whining. Thats all I’m going to be able to think about. You moaning and whining.”

“Well, I guess thats payment for the photos you sent me.” She bit her lip.

“You can visit and get more.”

“I’m too drunk to drive.”

“No shit.” She giggled. She heard a faint knock and almost panicked. 

“Shit. I have to go, the girls are up and.” He paused. “Ugh, one of them is apparently sick.” She giggled.

“Have fun.”

“Oh, I already did.” He informed her. The line went dead. She grabbed the sheets around her and let one last shutter pass over her body, that was so much easier with him on the line. Her eyes then widened, her cheeks flushed with what she just did and started to pray that she would remember it in the morning. She hoped, deeply, that he would too. 


	6. Mixed signals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heartbreak sucks, doesn't it?

Morgana laid in bed that Sunday morning, contemplating on whether or not she should take Nadia up on her offer for brunch. She didn’t do anything the day before because of her massive hangover, but she was much better off than Asra. She shifted in her sheets, almost tangled up from tossing and turning. 

Fine-

-Yes! I will come get you in an hour, maybe an hour and a half

-Portia is still sleeeeeeeping zzzZZZZzzz

-She is so cute!

* * *

Nadia sent her a photo of her sleeping princess, Portia looked adorable, wrapped up in Nadia’s purple blankets.

Seems like you kept her up all night ;p

-Shut up!

You asked for it

I’m going to shower and get my stupid ass ready.

 

* * *

Morgana put her phone back on the nightstand and slipped out of bed. She was still kind of miffed that Julian didn’t text her back yesterday. But they were adults, and maybe he didn’t actually see  _ her  _ that way. She was just a convenient supplement for Asra, she shrugged at the thought. She ran the shower hot, almost boiling, as the small bathroom steamed up. She took her time to love on her tired body, it still hurt from the hangover the day before. She stretched her hairs as she was in the middle of shampooing her hair. She sighed in relief as she washed the suds out of her hair. She decided to take a little extra care shaving and scrubbing her skin, she hadn’t given her skin the kind of love it deserved in the last few days. 

Morgana got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in the towel, drying herself off with care. Before she continued anything, she moisturized like mad. She smiled, despite herself, as she papered her skin. She took a look in the steamy mirror, admiring all of her burn scars, the slice on her arm, the tattoos that covered her thighs and her chest. One for everything she has overcome so far in her life. She use to hate her body, wanting to scrape off her skin, but now? Her subtle burn scars decorated her body, they told a story about her survival. Her tattoos told a story about her life, and how she came back from the brink of death. “Never again.” She said firmly, but with love to herself. Morgana hung up both of her towels and started to brush her hair. She noticed the blue blinking light on her phone.

-Hey, sorry I didn’t text you yesterday.

-my sister is petty, and well.. She found your texts and stole my phone!!

-I found it

-I have now added a new password to my phone

-what are you up to today?

-Portia came home with Nadia a few minutes ago

-So I guess we’re going for coffee??

LOL

OMG I AM DIEING RIGHT NOW

She saw the photos?

-Um yea, she said you had good taste in undergarments.

OMG YOU MUST BE FUCKING RED

-shut up

YAAAAAS YOU ARE

* * *

Morgana laughed at her phone, she couldn’t believe that his sister would do such a thing.

-Are you done?

Not a fucking chance. I am just getting started.

 

* * *

Morgana walked to her closed to pick something out to wear, she found a corset hanging up that she hadn’t worn in a while. Black leather with black lace trim. She grabbed it, as her phone cawed. She then rummaged through her bottoms, pants, shorts, then she found the navy blue satin skirt Asra got her last year. “Yes.” She was going to give his sister another reason to confiscate his phone. She laughed to herself. She got dressed, putting a red shirt under the corset and stood in front of the mirror near her bed. She wasn’t satisfied. She then got a devious plan stuck in her head. She took off the skirt and changed the fishnets out for thigh high transparent black stockings. She clipped them to her garter belt and stood check again. She grabbed her phone, taking a photo of her half dressed with the shirt under the corset. She then quickly got the red undershirt out from underneath the corset and threw it aside, taking yet another photo. 

 

-You suck

-seriously

-like, I need my phone. 

Hey, need your help

-Oh? What with?

Shirt or no shirt?

 

* * *

She sent the photos and then laughed at herself, she was being the biggest bitch and it felt good. She finished getting ready as she put on the pencil skirt she found and finding a pair of black spiked heels from the back of her closet. Her phone went off a few more times. She kind of didn’t want to check it, just yet so she waited a few moment as she started to put on her makeup. After getting foundation on she caved, planning on doing her makeup between his ridiculous responses going forward. Nadia’s text was first

-I’ll be getting you in 20 minutes, I hope you’re ready!

Almost!!

* * *

She then closed Nadia’s texts to see Julian’s responses.

-Fuck

-um

-pleasant surprise. 

-um

-Def wear a shirt, I don’t want Portia to yell at me

Perfect, I’ll wear the shirt :)

 

* * *

She replied, fixing up one of the wings of liner

-thanks ;p

No issues, don’t want to get you into trouble again.

 

* * *

Morgana wanted to laugh like an evil sorceress, but she settles for a chuckle as she finished putting on her mascara. She checked her phone for the time and had moments to get her ass to the front door. She grabbed her purse and a rosey lipstick and ran out the door.

 

Nadia was whistling as she pulled up “Damn girl!! We’re going for coffee, not a party!”

“I needed to feel pretty. I mean, after Friday.” Morgana replied getting in the car.

“What about Friday?” Morgana played innocent.

“Asra made his  _ special  _ mix drink for me.”

“Oh god, the Morgana?”

“Yeah. We drank almost half of it this time.”

“How the hell are you still alive?”

“I have no idea, I think it’s a miracle. But I still kind feel like shit from my hangover yesterday, so, hence the outfit.” Nadia nodded.   
“You know, that Julian  _ is  _ coming out with us, right?” Morgana shrugged.

“Ok.”

“He didn’t text you?”

“No, why would he?” She played along. She could tell that Nadia wanted to come clean, and she wasn’t going to give in to her shit. If she had an inkling of what Julian and her spoke about or did, then she should just say it. She watched as Nadia gripped the steering wheel.

“I unno, I just thought you guys where, you know.”

“What?”

“I thought you were trying to get into his pants.”

“Honestly, who isn’t.” Morgana chuckled. Nadia sighed.

“I can’t argue with you. The man has some serious height and some sharp features.”

“Plus he’s smart.”

“Obviously you would chose that.”

“What?”

“He is so your type too.”

“He is, isn’t he?” Morgana sighed.

“Oh?” She hear Nadia’s voice raise an octave.

“What? I have an aesthetic, he meets my criteria. Tall.”

“Yup.”

“Dark, and charming.”

“Yeah, and yeah.”

“And has an air of mystery around them. Plus they have to hold a conversation.”

“Well he can definitely do that, Jules will talk your ear off. It's why Poria normally drives to come see me.”

“Hey, we all need a break from the people we love. I mean, even Muriel has tapped out since he got back.”

“Yeah, hes texted me like, twice.”

“About the same. We chatted yesterday on the phone, but he then had to walk the dog.”

“Oh my god, he sent me photos of her a week ago, she is adorable!”

“I know, I got to meet her a few times.

“I am so jealous.” She said as they pulled into the parking lot. Nadia was still rambling on about the dog as they got out of the car. Morgana was laughing at her.

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

“No, he doesn’t like me, not they way he likes you and Asra.”

“Hey, I had to use Asra to get into the house the first time. Dude like his privacy, especially with how often he’s been on the road the last few years.”

“Yeah, I get that. I just, I wish we could all go out, you know, the four of us, like old times.”   
“Maybe we could go camping?”   
“Ugh.”

“Fine, glamping.” Morgana suggested as they walked over to the table that Portia and Julian were waiting out in the outside seating area.

“Glamping sounds, okay.”

“Well, Muriel isn’t going to go to a party, or go out with people. Hey.” Morgana waved to the siblings. Portia looked a little surprised and Julian was red in the face.

“Hey baby.” Nadia kissed Portia on the cheek as she sat down, Morgana took a seat between Nadia and Julian.

“So whats this about a party?” Portia interjected.

“Oh, nothing, not a party.”

“We have an old friend who, well, he doesn’t do well in crowds.”

“Which is hilarious because of his current job.”

“Oh?” She was intrigued, doing a once over on Morgana.

“He's a drum player in a heavy metal band. And he has bad social anxiety, so he just doesn’t talk to too many people. But we want to make plans to meet up with everyone we use to hang with.”

“So.” Nadia sighed, “Morgana thinks glamping would be a reasonable halfway point.”

“Well it is.” Morgana said, she noticed the waiter coming around. “Nadia, do they have a peppermint hot chocolate or something?”

“Oh, yeah yeah.” 

Nadia ordered everyone’s drinks, ordering a black coffee for Julian, dead last. Julian sat on his phone for a little while she talked with the girls, she felt her purse vibrate.

-you. Fucking. Suck.

* * *

Morgana had to stifle a laugh.

What?

-You said you'd wear the shirt

Yeah, but then I found the skirt.

-you planned this

Am I THAT easy to read?

-I should have listened to Asra

OOOOO if he warned you of my shanaigins, then yes.

Now, put your phone down, its rude!!! :) :P

 

* * *

She put her phone back in her purse. “What as that about?” Nadia questioned her.

“Asra was asking where I put one of his shirts the other day.”

“So, are you dating Asra then?” Portia asked, accusingly, Morgana chuckled.

“No, no. We’re really good friends. We get into each other’s shit a lot, but mostly just friends.”

“Mostly?” Portia pushed.

“Yeah, we’ve known each other.”

“Almost 12 years now.” Nadia spoke up, her face was full of knowledge.

“Yeah, he is my main contact for when I have a panic attack.”

“Then me, then Muriel.”

“Yup, hasn’t changed.” Portia relaxed, but Julian was still tense. She felt a leather shoe rub against her calf and she smiled softly. 

“So, when you sleep at Asra’s?”

“Cut the shit Portia, I don’t like games.” Morgana said abruptly. Everyone at the table tensed, “You seem like a great girlfriend to my friend and clearly you’re being a great sister. But just say what is on your mind, we will waste way less time and get everything out in the open.”

“Okay.” Portia started, she waited for the waiter to leave after giving them their drinks. “I saw the texts and photos you sent Julian.” Morgana looked over to the poor man, being chastised by his sister, and then having his dirty laundry aired out in the open, “And I was just concerned that he was getting involved with.” She trailed off.

“Portia. Say it.”

“A cheating hoe.”

“Pasha!” Julian almost yelled

“Feel better?” She asked her, smiling at Julian.

“A little. I hope I didn’t offend you."

“No.” Morgana laughed, “I like it when people are honest. I’m assuming that you’ve had issues with cheaters in the past?” She asked Julian directly.

“Well. Yeah.”

“Then you’re right to be concerned Portia. You’re doing your job. You’re his sister. I just hope you don’t feel guilty.”

“I do, a little. I mean, I don’t know you and I didn’t want to run to judgments.”

“You’re protective. Its why Nadia here didn’t tell me about you for a month.” Nadia flushed red on her copper cheeks.

“The hell you have to drag  _ me  _ into this?”

“Because Asra dragged me into this!” Morgana laughed, pointing at Julian.

“Hey.” He became vocal again.

“I’m teasing, I promise. No, I’m glad that we met. You seem, great.” She smiled and sipped her drink.

“Even after I caused you to have a panic attack?”

“I told you to let it go. Its not like you did it on purpose.”

“Wait, you’re the girl he set off?” Portia stated, “And you still.” She collected herself and closed her eyes, bracing her hands on the table, “Sexted him?” She breathed out. Morgana could only laugh, blushing in embarrassment, one that she clearly shared with Julian. “Wait, you’re not surprised?”

“No, Julian ratted you out.”

“Ilya!” She half yelled at him.

“You _were_ starting shit!” Nadia laughed joyously.

“And the hangover blues. It was half and half.”

“This coffee is lacking something I need to deal with all of you.” Julian noted, drinking his coffee. Morgana smiled.

“Could we, forget about this?” Portia asked.

“Of course. I still like you Portia.” Morgana winked, “You’re a cool chick.”

 

The rest of the conversation was about making fun of other patrons, laughing about Julian’s students drooling over him, and plans for the week. “Yeah, I have a few of  _ those  _ commissions I have to get done this week. Plus I have to finish a painting for class. But other than that, I’m not really doing anything this week.” Morgana admitted.

“Oh, well, since I can work from home I’m going to go back with Nadia for the week.”

“Awe, thats so sweet. You’re going to have to keep her lots of company, I don’t want any posts about how sad and lonely she is.” Morgana squished her nose at Nadia.

“It was once, I was drunk, and you left me alone.”

“I went down the hall to get your fucking shoes back!”

“What about you Jules?” Nadia asked.

“Oh, me?”

“I don’t think anyone else here is named Julian.” Morgana said playfully.

“Well, I have some tests to grade, but then I have a few meetings, really, uneventful.” Nadia’s phone started to go off.

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I completely forgot that we were going to the movies.” She looked at Portia.

“Oh yeah, we can go another time?” She offered.

“We can still go, I can drive you and.”

“Julian drives Morgana home?” Portia finished, raising a brow. Morgana threw her hands up.

“I am perfectly capable of taking the bus home, not an issue if you don’t trust my intentions with your brother.” Portia laughed.

“I believe you trust mine with Nadia about as much.”

“Look at her.” Morgana pointed. “She is glowing, I don’t care what you do with her, as long as she is happy, you’re having fun, and the fall out is minimal.” 

“Lets go.” Portia’s face lit up as she told Nadia. She tossed Julian the keys and Nadia gave Morgana some money for the drinks.

“You’re the best.” Nadia whispered to Morgana, kissing her on the cheek.

“No, you are.” She squeezed her hand tenderly. “Have fun.”

“And don’t bring it back home!” Julian shouted. Morgana laughed at him. He cleared his throat, “You look great, by the way.”

“Thanks.” She felt herself blush.

“So um, about this texting thing.”

“I can stop, if you really want or need me to.”

“Well, I.”

“No, honestly Julian, don’t feel like you have to continue, whatever this is, if you really don’t want to.”

“I’m conflicted.”

“Oh?”

“You’re growing on me, that, that is clear. I have, never had, phone sex, with anyone.” 

“Well, I’m glad to have popped that cherry.” Julian blushed but smiled.

“Its just that. You’re a student and I hold a position of power.”

“Asra thought this would come up.”

“What?”

“Listen, something you should know, is that Asra and I, we’re very open with each other. I mean, I don’t want to put you off, but we have had a few flings over the years. He  _ knows  _ me very well.”

“He heard you, didn’t he.” His eyes turned dark, a hit of jealousy etched into them. She laughed.

“No, he was fucking out. I mean, I had to go check on him a few times because I was paranoid he was going to die. But no. He just, he figured it out when we had lunch.”

“Because I hadn’t texted you back.”

“Yeah, and to be honest, I was miffed until you told me what happened.” She pushed the cups aside as the waiter came to collect them, she paid for everything and left the rest as tip. “And I don’t get  _ miffed  _ over stupid shit like that. He just opened me like a book. Now I didn’t give him every detail.” She said pushing her thighs together to stop the heat from building, “But he got the jist of it, and he let me know that some rules can be avoided.”

“How? You can get expelled.”

“And you could get reprimanded or fired.” She pointed out, “But, the rules state, specifically, that dating students within your program is frowned upon. They updated the rules after that philosophy teacher married one of the recent graduates. It was found out that they had been dating for years, in secret. But he had never taught her. So nothing about her courses was in question.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, so, if you have a better excuse, I’m all ears.” She said, as boldly as she could, Julian didn’t answer, he seemed to be in deep thought. “How about this.” She started. “Drive me home, mull it over this week, and then let me know. I mean, you don’t have to make a decision this minute.” Julian sighed.

“Will you be okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned.

“Will you?” She asked back. She started to think that maybe none of this was a good idea, she didn’t want Julian to be in fear of his job. 

“Maybe its best to shelf this.” He told her, almost like a nail in a coffin. Her breath caught in her chest, a reaction she didn’t think she’d have.

“Ok.” She said as best she could.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home.” Morgana got up silently, she gripped her purse to keep her grounded and to stop her from letting the tears welling up in her from getting out. Her reaction was startling her. She didn’t realize how much he had gotten under her skin until that moment. 

The drive was a little quiet, unless she was giving him directions. “Oh and turn left at McComber.”

“K.” His voice even sounded distant, not as warm or inviting as it was earlier. It made her uncomfortable. Just over an hour ago his face lit up when he saw her, playfully texting her, but now? It was like she stabbed him in the chest. He pulled up to the building she pointed out and he pulled into the parking lot.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem.” She got out of the car, not looking at him.

“Have a good evening Dr. Devorak.” She told him as she closed the door and walked as calmly as she could to the door of the building, keys already in hand. She heard the car pull off slowly as she walked in, she couldn’t dare herself to look back. Her tears now filling her eyes. “God damn it.” She muttered to herself as she wiped them away, just trying to make it back to her apartment. 


	7. Lights out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence warning guys and gals. (Not too much detail though ;) )

Julian sat in his large apartment by himself, sipping on his spirit occasionally. He was trying to drown himself in booze and work. As he normally did. Every time his phone went off he cringed, just in case it was Morgana texting him. Her tone when he left her was almost sour when she said goodbye, he closed his eyes, he could still see her facade crack into bitterness beside him. He knew he was an idiot, one, for entertaining the idea that he could have a relationship and two, have a relationship with her. She had so much going for her, she was making money online, she had the gig with Asra. She could go anywhere. Everywhere. He was now a washed up M.D that gave up his clinic and practice to teach.  _ Those who can’t, teach _ , the saying echoed in his mind. Even Asra was still doing research, he had not even reached the age of 35 and he felt washed up and useless. It didn’t mean anything anymore that he was able to graduate so early and travel the world for a few years. The fiasco with Lucio left him empty and he hated that he had to save people like  _ him _ . He also felt humiliated that Lucio’s father forced Dr. Nightshade to let him in  _ his  _ class, he could have taken a course with anyone else there, but no, his father and Lucio had to make a point to just, torture him. “Julian, I’m sorry, I have done everything humanly possible to keep him out of your class.”

“Its okay, Grace.”

“No, its not, you came here to share your incredible amount of knowledge with us and I can’t even protect you against, what, some asshole and his kid? I don’t even know why they bother telling me I’m a department head.”

“Really.”

“Listen. I have a plan, if he misses so much as one assignment, or skips more than 3 classes, he is out. No ifs, ands, or buts. Dr. Grazzer wants his kid in your class, because he has a vendetta, fine, but I’m not going to make it easy for him to stay. He needs to know that I can’t be bought.  _ My  _ boss can, but I can’t.”

“Thank you Grace.”

“No need to thank me. You’re an amazing doctor and what happened to you shouldn’t happen to anyone else.” The memory faded as he took another sip of his drink, it burned his mouth, but he didn’t care. He didn’t see what Grace saw then, and he doesn’t see it now.

* * *

* * *

  
  


Morgana sat in Asra’s office while she sketched. She didn’t bother going to see him on Monday because she was just trying to get to class and get home without people asking questions. She was starting to find it a challenge to want to look at the drawings she had done for Asra, she had finished two, but there was still a lot of work to do. Morgana decided it was in her best interest to ignore her brain and heart and just go to Asra’s office and work. She was lucky that when she got there Asra was teaching, meaning that she had some real peace and quiet for the last hour. “Hey girly, oh, wow.”

“What?”

“Sweatpants and a band tee? What happened?” Morgana sighed and rolled her eyes, yeah, she hadn’t felt like herself, but it wasn’t a big deal. “Seriously? Are you okay.”

“Yes and no, I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Okay.” Asra tossed his hands in the air as he sat at his desk. “I just worry about you.”

“I know. But there are some things that just, I don’t want to deal with right now.”

“Hey.” Julian popped his head in, Morgana waved and quickly looked down, she could feel Asra’s eyes diving into her soul. “Can I speak with you a minute?” She could see that he was red in embarrassment. It's not like she hung out in Asra’s office  _ all  _ the time, and she mostly did in the evenings.

“Yeah, just give me a sec, I’ll come to your office.”

“Sounds good.”

“Morgana.”

“Drop it, seriously. Its none of your business.” She snapped at him, giving him a warning look. Asra sighed and got up, he walked over and planted as kiss on her head. All of Morgana’s walls crumbled as a few tears welled up in her eyes.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah.” She said, he wiped a tear from her cheek, “Go, and leave  _ this  _ out of it.”

“I’ll get you a tea, okay.”

“Yeah.” She said, he walked out of the door and closed it slightly, something he only did when he didn’t want to be disturbed. Morgana sat alone for a little while, creating a few more working sketches for Asra to check over before committing, there was then a soft tapping at the door. Morgana jumped up “Hello?” 

“Oh, hello.” A tall, copper skinned woman walked in. Her hair all shades of midnight black.

“Oh, hi Dr. Nightshade!”

“I was not expecting  _ you  _ to be here.” She smiled sweetly.

“Been trying to just work on Asra’s illustrations for the last few weeks.” She walked over to take a look at the ones on the desk. She nodded approvingly. “Asra stepped out, maybe, 20 minutes ago? Dr. Devorak dropped in, needed him from something.”

“Ah, okay, I’ll pop in there next. Actually, speaking about Julian. I didn’t realize that you were friends with him as well.” Morgana raised her brow, “I saw you at the cafe on the weekend.” Dr. Nightshade’s lips curled into a soft and elegant smile.

“Oh, well.” She smiled as best she could, “His sister is dating my best friend. So I kind of just met him. Kind of, I unno, a weird approval ritual that older siblings do.”

“Oh, well, that's unfortunate. Between you and I, he  _ needs  _ a girlfriend.” Morgana chuckled.

“Well, I am a student here.”

“But not of  _ this  _ department.” She shrugged. “Its how I met my husband.”

“Well.” Morgana went to start.

“It was obvious you were flirting, you’re terrible at hiding it, from one woman to another, some men just need a swift kick to the ass.”

“Grace!” Morgana exclaimed.

“Its true. Well, I have to go steal Asra, I have some research for him to look over for this month.”

“I would say text him, but.” She pointed to his phone, “I’ll text Julian, tell him to expect you.”

“Thank you. And I never said a thing.” She winked. Morgana liked Asra’s boss, she was hard when she needed to be and lax when needed. Only reason why Asra had to fight about his dress code was because one of the other professor’s complained. But her words sat with her, it's how she met her spouse, she had been married for, almost fifteen years? Did she really care that much about Julian? She tended to be very motherly towards Asra, but, she didn’t know her that well.

Yo, Grace is on her way to steal Asra

-oh, ok

-thanks

No probs

 

* * *

Morgana sat back down in front of her sketches, she hated them, so much. Her chest tightened and she just wanted to burn everything. She breathed in slowly, trying to calm herself, she didn’t need to set her own set off over, something so simply stupid. Julian was old enough to make is own decisions, it sucks that she fell so hard so fast, but that wasn’t anyone’s fault. And she reminded herself of that. It was no one’s fault. No one meant to hurt the other person and no one intended for anyone to get hurt. Tears fell from her eyes and graced the skin on her cheeks. She wiped them away, hard. Her phone went off again.

 

-Hey, wanna, go out tonight?

Sure, where?

 

* * *

Morgana was in a light state of shock that Muriel would want to go ‘out’.

 

-Well, the Black Cat has some bands playing tonight.

You, want to go out, where people are?

-SHUT UP

-There might be a chick involved.

ADORABLE I am in

-Tell no one

Pffffft

-Dead serious, I’ll never talk to you again

Not even ASRA?!

-You know he’ll tell everyone

Damn it, fine. I’ll tell Asra I’m going home later

But you’re covering for me if shit hits the fan

-why?

some shit went down, Asra might kill someone

-did you have another panic attack?

No, heartbreak

-ouch, this’ll be good for you

-Loud music, a sea of black, and booze.

Pick me up?

-yeah, I’ll get you at like, 7?

Kk

 

* * *

Morgana sat back in the chair, she checked the time, she had an hour until her last class of the day and then she could get ready in time, as long as she didn’t miss the bus again.

 

Morgana looked at herself in the mirror, just once more, trying to convince herself she should go out. Muriel was right though, getting out might be good, and she didn’t have any class until 1 the next day. If she ended up with a hangover she can claim that she as house drinking. Her phone cawed, Muriel was already outside, she grabbed her stuff for the night and ran out. She had to take the elevator to the main floor because her skirt and heels would have made it too difficult to take the stairs. She fidgeted with the leather crop top type corset she wore. She was regretting taking it out and putting it on now, she felt like she was suffocating in it, even though it fit fine. The purple skirt she wore had no give, everything constricted against her like a snake. She knew she looked good, no, great. She looked like a gothic queen, but she felt like trash. “Hey.” She said getting into the car.

“Hey, that looks like a revenge outfit.”

“Shut up.” She sighed, “I didn’t mean to make it look like that.” She admitted.

“Its okay, a night of heavy metal will do you some good.”

“You’d be the perfect doctor for me.” She smiled, she almost faltered at her own comment. He just smiled at her. “So, tell me about this chick?”

“Well, she plays in one of the bands tonight.”

“Oh?”

“My manager will be there, he wants to see if any of them might want to open for us on our next outing.”

“Nice, that’ll be good for them.”

“Yeah, but.”

“But what?”

“She's the bass guitarist.”

“So?”

“Adriel.”

“Don’t let her ruin your type Muriel. I never let asshole ruin my type.”

“Morgana, your type is assholes.”

“Shut up!” She played with him.

“You’re like a little sister to me, I don’t like it when the guys or chicks you date end up hurting you.” Morgana smiled.

“Well, I am not the easiest person to deal with. Its hard for others to want to deal with someone.” She paused, “So damaged.” She traced the faded line up her arm.

“You’re not damaged.”

“No, I am. I just get that I am. Its okay, I don’t mean it like a bad thing. Its just reality. I am who I am. And if someone doesn’t want all of that, then, fuck them.”

“Good attitude.”

“Anyway, what is the girls name?”

“Lilian.”

“Band name?”

“Black Lily.” Morgana chuckled.

“Adorable.”

“What? Its an all girls band.”

“Nice.” 

“Keep it in your pants.”

“Why? Its fun when I’m waving it all around.” Muriel rolled his eyes at her, she smiled at him, almost forgetting about Julian in that moment. 

 

It was eleven when the girls stepped on the stage, Morgana couldn’t help herself but to get a bit drunk, Muriel gave her a free pass.

“I’m driving, you’re heartbroken, I’ll deal.”

“You’re the best.”

Problem was now, was that she was five,or was it six, drinks in, and she was slurring her speech because of the double shots in her drink. Black Lily started to play, their lead singer sounded like the chick from Kittie and looked like a dark angel. Her attention was then pulled to the redhead on bass guitar with a mohawk and face tattoos. 

“She is, so hot.” She nudged Muriel.

“Yeah?”

“You have amazing taste in chick man, I mean, look at her go.” They played for an hour before it was time for the next band, Morgana stopped drinking when they went up, so she had sobered up a little.

“Hey, you must be Morgana.” The girl said, holding out her hand when she walked up to them.

“Guilty, Lilian, right?” She said taking her hand, “You fucking rock.”

“Thanks, took a while to get this together, our last guitarist was a fucking drama queen. She quit on us a few months ago.”

“Well, I’m glad you got it all sorted.” She moved over to Muriel, standing as close as she could, Morgana wanted to smile but tried to just keep it to herself.

“So, how do you know Muriel?”

“Really old friends.”

“Oh? The way he talks about you, you know that he called you his princess right?” Morgana laughed.

“Yes, yes I do. There is a, fucking hilarious story that goes along with that.”

“Oh?”   
“Yeah, I had an ex girlfriend that demanded that she be treated like a queen. And I mean, a fucking QUEEN. I took her out everywhere, bought her everything, even when I couldn’t afford it. But she treated me like shit, so the relationship ended fairly quickly. Well, she came to my apartment one day, and she demanded that I take her back. Muriel, the sweetheart that he is, told her to leave for me.”

“Awe.” Lilian beamed up at Muriel.

“Well, the chick went ballistic, Muriel informed her that I was a princess-in-training now so that I would be able to meet someone that could treat me like the Queen I really was. She said that was impossible, that I could never be anything without her. He then proclaimed, very loudly, that I was his  _ princess  _ and slammed the door in her face.” Lilian covered her face and giggled.

“That is so cute!”

“But, I feel that  _ my  _ training is over, you know, if  _ you  _ wanted to fill the role.” Muriel’s face flashed red. 

“Morgana, that was, smooth.” She shrugged at Lilian.

“It’s my job.” She winked. The girl grabbed Muriel’s hand, which made him stiffin.

“Well, if he doesn’t mind, I don’t mind switching from text to person.” She smiled up at him.

“Really?” He  _ finally  _ spoke.

“Really, and you didn’t have to drag out your friend to ask me.” She punched him in the arm.

“Hey!” Morgana heard a loud voice shout.

“Julian! You made it.” Lilian shouted back, pushing passed her.

“Anything for my favourite cousin.” _ How many fucking people does he have to be related to? _   Morgana questioned. She shot Muriel a look, one that meant play along. A wave a concern washed over his face but she shook her head. Morgana turned around and Julian’s face fell, “Oh hey.”

“Hey.” 

“You know each other?”

“Yeah, he works with a good friend of mine. Doing a project for the department.”

“OH! This is the artist you’ve been babbling on-” Julian quickly covered her mouth. Lilian rolled her eyes and took off his hand. “Anyway, Julian, this is Muriel.” Julian’s state of shock went from her to him. Muriel was not a small guy, he was huge, built, and he kind of demanded the attention of any room he happened to walk into. Which is why he normally kept to himself.

“Nice to meet you.”Julian held out his hand.

“Nice to meet you too.” He glanced at Morgana before shaking his hand.

“I’d normally threaten one of Lilian’s boyfriends, but I fear that I am in no position to do so.” Morgana laughed. “What?”

“He’s a teddy bear Julian, however.” She turned her attention to Lilian. “I am not. Hurt him and I promise, no one will find you body.” Lilian laughed.

“A risk I am willing to take.” Morgana looked up at Muriel.

“Well, my job is done, I’m going to go home, I have an early class.” A look of understand took hold of Muriel’s face.

“Oh, right, I completely forgot. I can-”

“I got money for a cab, I planned ahead, have fun!” Morgana b-lined it for the door and basically threw herself out of the bar. She started to walk down the street and search from her phone in her purse. She felt a hand wrap around her wrist, she turned around ready to swing. “Lucio?” She almost stammered.

“Hey.” He purred to her, her skin started to crawl, Morgana pulled her wrist from his hand.

“Fuck off.” She turned around and went to leave, phone in hand. He grabbed her again and covered her mouth, pulling her into a small alley beside them. She elbowed him in the side and screamed. He punched her, knocking her down and then took out a knife.

“Should have just played nice.” He said as he started to slice up her skirt, she fought back the darkness invading her vision. She fought it hard, her ear ringing, her mind everywhere. Morgana tried to swat at his hands and he grabbed them with his bionic arm. She tried to yell out but her voice was somehow missing now, her jaw stung as it finally opened for her let out another cry for help. He sank the blade into her side. “Shut the fuck up, or I’m going to kill you.” She hissed in pain as she tried to go for the blade. 

“Hey!” Someone shouted from the entrance of the alley, Lucio wasn’t smart enough to drag her down further. He ripped the blade from her and booked it. Leaving her to bleed and black out. Before she did she felt someone kneel beside her, as someone else ran down the alley, shouting, everything went black.


	8. Silence is best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence can sometimes drive us to insanity, or to moments of clarity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of attempted rape! You've been warned
> 
> the rest is real mushy

Asra sat in the waiting room chair beside Muriel, Nadia was texting him again asking for updates as she and her girlfriend drove back into town. Julian had been asked to leave with the police for a statement. Asra was exhausted, Muriel was nervous, they had been there for hours, just wanting for someone to come out and tell them if she is okay. Asra’s phone went off, but it wasn’t who he expected.

-Gave the statement

You’re sure it was Lucio?

-would recognize that fuckers face anywhere

-doesn’t help him that the marks on her arm MATCH the arm we gave him

-I could fucking kill him

We all would love to

-anything yet?

No, we’re waiting still, go home, rest.

-the cops are driving me back

Kk, I’ll let you know if we get in before you get back

* * *

“Dr. Bohdi?” A nurse called out.

“Yes?” Asra said standing.

“She is in the clear, a nasty concussion though, fractured right wrist, and the stab wound. Nothing vital was cut, there some things we had to stitch up, but she did great. Her jaw also has a minor break, so we had to wire her jaw shut so it will set properly. She will have to stay here, for a little.”

“That is obvious, sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Its okay, you’ve been out here for 4 hours.” Asra breathed out.  
“Thank you.”

“She is awake, but keep your voices quiet, she has indicated that her head still hurts, even with the medication.” Asra waved Muriel over and they followed the nurse to Morgana’s room. She had a writing pad on her table already.

“Hey girly.” Asra said, walking over. She waved lazily, handing him the note.

 **“-one, I’m good, head fucking hurts -two, it was Lucio -three, cops already talked to me-four, is Julian okay? He knows its not his fault?”** Asra couldn’t help but chuckle at the last one, he took a picture and sent it to Julian with a text saying ‘ _see?, ps shes up’_.

“Julian is okay, he is on his way back from the station, he had to give a statement because he went running after _him_.” She growled and huffed. “I know, he an asshole.” She motioned for the pad again.

 **“-At least this time we got him.”** Morgana had her times of fragileness, but she was a warrior. Every time she fell down, or was pushed down, she would get right back up and keep fighting.

“Well, as long as this all holds up.” She nodded slowly.

**“Restraining order :)”**

“Good.” Her eyes lit up, Asra turned around and saw Julian, disheveled, in the doorway.

“Hey.” He said quietly. She tapped her nose.

“She’s happy to see you.” Julian looked at him funny. “Her jaw is broken and her head hurts, she can't squish her nose up.” He mimicked what she normally does when she is happy to see someone when she is drunk. She snapped and gave him a thumbs up.

“You seem to be in good spirits” She wrote something quickly

 **“Morphine=good.”** Julian chuckled.

“Yeah, I can imagine.” Asra could tell she wanted to smile, in her altered state her anxiety didn’t have control of her. “You must be exhausted.”

 **“You’re not my doctor yet ;p”** Julian blushed and she pointed at her nose again.

“Oh my god, this is worse than when we drink Morgana’s.” She threw her left hand up and waved it like at a party. Asra texted Nadia and let her know that Morgana was okay and in good spirits, flirting and everything. He decided to leave her ex out of the conversation though, he’d wait until she wasn’t driving to let her know. “And what do you mean yet? He's here isn’t he?”

“Asra.” Julian said quietly, she tapped her nose.

 **“Its ok, I can be patient.”** she wrote another note **“NOOOO i can’t have pizza for weeeks”** She huffed. As Asra read out the last note everyone laughed.

“You got your heart broke, you just got stabbed, you have a broken jaw, and you’re worried about not having pizza for a few weeks.”

**“Ob v!!”**

“At least you have your priorities straight.” Muriel laughed. She pointed to her eye and then to Muriel and then pointed to her heart.

**“Phone?”**

“In lock up, they took all your stuff for evidence.” Julian told her, he then sat down on the bed beside her, Asra’s heart melted at the way she looked at him. It had been so long since she had that look in her eyes for anyone. He was glad that he ignored her demands the day before and talked with Julian anyway. He couldn’t have his friends, who were enamored with each other, keep such distance between them. He was glad that Grace agreed. “You sure you’re okay, not putting on a show?”

**“Shitty actress”**

“Yeah, she is so bad at it.” Asra confirmed.

**“You all go home. You look like shit.”**

“You wound me.” Julian protested, “I’ve never looked more dashing in my life.” She tapped her nose.

**“You’re cute when you flirt.”**

“Oh, I’m leaving.” Asra threw his hands up.

“Out too.”

“Oh, guess Julian is stuck on babysitting duty.” Asra winked.

 **“Don’t worry, you can go home too. Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake.”** She tapped her chest. Morgana squinted her eyes to look towards the door. **“OMG its almost 5!!! You all have work!”**

“This was more important.” Julian said before Asra could, Morgana blushed. There was then a knock on the door.

“Hey, Dr. Bohdi, Miss Graves’ doctor is asking for everyone to leave, for a few hours, they have some more tests to run. Are we calling you when we’re done?”

“Yeah, and call Dr. Devorak.” He grabbed the board from the nurse and wrote Julian’s number down.

“It honestly shouldn’t be too long, he just wants to do a walk through with some med students, Miss Graves agreed to it.” Asra looked at Morgana who gave a thumbs up.

“Well, that will allow us enough time to get some stuff settled at work and get back.”

“Sounds good. A few hours, but wait for us to call before coming back.”

“No problems.” Morgana snapped her fingers.

 **“THANK YOU TARA”** Tara put a finger to her mouth.

“Wait.” Julian started but Morgana smacked him with the notepad and put a finger to her mouth.

“She said she really wanted to see her boyfriend before he worried too much.” She smiled. Asra could image all the shades of red both Julian and Morgana were in that moment.

“Well, he is a big worrywart.”

“I am not.”

“Yeah you are, not lets go before someone gets a nice nurse in trouble!” Asra pointed his finger at Morgana who faked a swoon. Asra watched Julian do something extremely uncharacteristic, he kissed Morgana’s hand. She blushed like mad.

“Stop getting into trouble.” He half whispered to her and Morgana tapped his nose. She wrote something quickly and shoved the paper into his hands before making a ‘shoo’ gesture to all of them.

 

Asra smiled, watching Morgana read yet another letter from Julian. They had become weird, but adorable, pen pals since Morgana got home from the hospital. Julian was, surprisingly, the first person to write a letter. She was so excited, probably from the morphine at the time, about coming home to a letter addressed to her with a simple red rose. He had probably written ‘sorry’ a hundred times in it. He apologized for his behaviour and admitted to _some_ of his feelings. Julian had an issues with trusting others, and trusting himself. Asra had managed to convince him that if Morgana was strong enough not to break down and cry about almost being raped and almost being killed, then she could handle him. To Asra, it was clear that she wanted Julian to be part of her life, and it was going to kill him if he didn’t kick Julian in the ass. I couldn’t just watch Julian beat himself up over Morgana while she tried to put on a pretty little smile for him and pretend that everything was fine.   _“She doesn’t care about any of that Julian.”_

_“But I do, I’ll be holding her back.”_

_“How? You’d only be holding her hand! She isn’t an idiot Julian, you might act like you are, but you aren’t either. But if you chose to ignore what is happening you will only hurt her, and more importantly, yourself. Don’t do this to yourself.”_

_“But she has been through so much already, she doesn’t need me.”_

_“You’re right Julian, she doesn’t_ need _you, she_ wants _you. There is a huge difference between needing someone to live and wanting someone in your life because you like them. She has almost died, three time now, I think the least that life could do is cut her a break and send her someone like you!”_ Asra remembered almost shouting at him in his office. Luckily for all of them, he came to his senses.

 

Morgana sat quietly in Asra’s office, reading the latest letter from Julian. He had written about how much he has been enjoying the little love letters she has hidden around his office. About how much he adored her poems and little sketches and reminded her that he didn’t mind helping her out. She didn’t have to feel ashamed for getting help from friends or her boyfriend. Morgana blushed, it was the first time he wrote it, her heart fluttered and she squeezed the letter into herself, Asra chucked. “Ready?” Asra said, chastising her, she had to get Asra or Julian to give her the shots the doctor prescribed, she couldn’t do it with one hand. She shot him a look as she still couldn’t talk. “Guess so.” He stuck it into her side and pressed the syringe in, she couldn’t take antibiotics, so this was the only way. Asra tossed the left over needle into the sharps/bio waste basket Grace grabbed for her, she was lucky her friends had medical degrees. She sipped on the soup she made and blended the night before, she had noticed some of her clothes were started to become a little loose and she told Asra. He said it’s just because of the way she has to eat, once the wires come out and she eats normally she would be fine. It had been a couple of weeks since the attack and she was healing. Not as fast as she wanted to, but she was healing. She was also pretty pissed off because they still hadn’t caught up to Lucio, they had warrants out for his arrest, and even found the blade he used to stab her in the alley. Her lawyer told her that they should have enough evidence to nail him, the video camera by the bar wasn’t the best, but it puts him there. Well enough anyway. Plus her and Julian’s testimony. But because all of this she was basically under 24 hour surveillance, which meant that she was always in Asra’s hair, and he needed a break. For the last two days he had been uncomfortably silent. “Alright dear, back to Julian’s office with you.” She heaved a big sigh, she had been back and forth between their offices and Grace’s office for the last few weeks, under the direction of police. They had her apartment under surveillance and she wasn’t supposed to be there alone, or for very long. Even Muriel had to take her in for a few days because Asra needed a break.

 

Asra walked Morgana to Julian’s office, where she would stay for the rest of the day, so Asra could go teach and complete the data task that Grace entrusted to him. Julian was just unlocking the door as they rounded the corner. Julian had cleared off the other desk in his office Morgana could work on her assignments. He didn’t have a couch but they managed to find a comfy chair that she was able to nap in. Healing took a lot out of her. She didn’t realize how tired she was most days, between moving from office to office, sleeping at Asra’s house, trying to complete work, and eating shit food, she was, exhausted. Almost all the time. “Hey sweetheart.” Julian smiled, actually smiled. No smirk, no wickedness in his eyes, just a genuine smile. Morgana made a happy squeal.

“Overflowing cup, she has been making that god awful noise everytime you give her another letter.” Asra ruffled her hair, he knew there was nothing she could do about it.

“Lucky you.” Julian chuckled. Morgana crossed her arms, as best she could with the cast on her right arm, and huffed. Julian winked at her and invited them in, Asra put her stuff on the table.

“Well, Julian, my plans are confirmed.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you’re stuck with the silent beast for the night.” Asra winked and then left. Morgana had a wave of confusion wash over her.

“Huh, I guess its you and me and a movie tonight then.” Morgana swung around to look back at him, his cheeky smile was back. She shook a finger at him disapprovingly. “What? Asra needs to go out once in a while too.” She walked over to the whiteboard in his office.

**“I thought you were going out tonight.”**

“I said depending on another friend’s plans”

**“Its Friday though, you always go out.”**

“And tonight, I have a great excuse not to.” Morgana just blushed and erased the board. “This means that we get to leave now, as my students have a research paper they started yesterday, so I emailed them all saying no class.” Morgana smiled and sighed, relieved. “Do you really hate it here that much?”

**“Yes/No. I don’t like the constant moving, I’m tired.”**

“I know, its also a side effect of the meds. Speaking of, how is your side?”

 **“Ok”** Julian walked over and lifted her shirt to look for himself.

“And the wound?” She turned so he could look at it, it was on an angle that made it impossible for her to see it unless she was in front of a mirror. “Well, that is still looking good, all the stitches fell out and it doesn’t look infected. Morgana smiled. “You’ve been following instructions.”

“ **Mostly**.” She admitted. Julian tsked her and put some papers in his work bag, he then grabbed Morgana’s backpack and her passenger bag. She went to protest and grab something.

“No. You already stated you’re tired, grab your purse, I got this.” He smiled, so confidently at her, it made her blush. He really was a gentleman. He was so kind to her, so caring, and dare she admit, so loving. It was so much better than drunk texts and daydreams. “Tonight, its just you, me, and the tv.” She smiled wider, almost causing a bit of pain, “Nadia and Portia will be leaving for dinner around 5, so we have to deal with them until then.” He winked.

“ **Deal, lol.** ” Julian pushed her from the whiteboard and ushered her out the door. He dropped his bag to lock his office and picked it back up.

 

Morgana realized they hadn’t really been able to spend all that much time alone together. Either they were with Asra or Portia, occasionally they would all be hanging out together, Asra was a good translator, but they hadn’t really had an evening to themselves. Just to sit and watch a movie. When they pulled up to the apartment complex the doorman helped her out of the car and helped Julian carry their things inside. Portia was waiting in the lobby for them. “Hey cuties!” She smiled, Portia always had the biggest smile plastered on her face, it made her heart sing. She could see why Nadia liked her so much, now that she knew her better. Portia grabbed the bags from the door man and thanked him, Julian then went back to park his car. “So, I have to set some ground rules.” She said as they entered the elevator. “Both of you need to be dressed for when I get home tomorrow.” Morgana tried to gasp at her insinuations. “Hey, I found one of those not safe for work letters you wrote him.” Morgana grumbled, “What, its started out so cute and then just.” She made a woosh sound and made her hand dive down like a falling plane. Morgana chuckled. “I see that you’re super into my brother, honestly, I couldn’t be happier for him. You are. So adorable and clearly enjoy his company.” Portia grabbed the bag she dropped as the gates opened to their apartment. She walked in behind Portia and the gate closed, she dropped the bags by the dining room table and twirled. “Look, I even cleaned it all up.” She then rushed back to Morgana, taking her good hand. “Thank you, thank you Morgana.” She pulled her into a soft hug, “Jokes aside, it has been so long since I saw my brother smile. So genuinely.” When Portia pulled away Morgana gave her the sign for ‘me too’ and smiled. “And look at you, practically glowing. You’re not pregnant, are you?” Morgana must have turned bright red and she shook her head no because Portia laughed, “I’m kidding.” The elevator door opened again and Julian walked in.

“Is she making fun of you again.”

“Of course not.” Portia winked.

“Pasha, I know that face, leave her be.” Julian kissed the top of Morgana’s head, “Go lay down, I have some stuff I can cook for you, so that you can have something that tastes better than blended vegetable soup.” Morgana just nodded and wiggled her nose at him, he smiled and she almost skipped down across the apartment to his room. He was really sweet to his sister, he gave her the master bedroom, because he didn’t normally sleep. Morgana jumped onto the bed and kicked off her shoes, then laid down. She wiggled up to the pillows when Julian walked in, grabbing her shoes. “Sorry, I forgot to put a chair at the elevator again.” Morgana shrugged, he pulled a throw blanket over her and gave her a loving kiss on the lips, Morgana followed it up with two more soft kisses on his lips before he pulled away. “Get some rest.” Morgana nodded and he left the room. She listened to him and his sister make fun of each other while they started to cook.

“You’re making a mess! I just cleaned up!!” She heard Portia yell at him. “Just wait til Noddy gets here, she is going to kick your ass!”

“As if. She can’t reach.” There was a pause and then Julian yelled. “OUCH!”

“If I can reach Noddy can too!” Morgana chuckled to herself as she imaged Portia high kicking Julian in the ass. The bed started to swallow her, the achiness of her body and head started to break away as she slipped into a soft sleep.


End file.
